Upper Middle’s “Big Fight” Survey, a look into how people who punctuate their texts throw down, found that money changes the nature, not frequency, of fights, which are more driven by perceived status inequality. The study also found that profession is predictive of fighting behaviors, that people creative people are off the fucking leash[4], and that there are downsides to marrying someone who works in sales.
Also this: Frequent sex is predictive of infrequent fighting except among people in their thirties who make a lot of money.
What People Actually Fight About
Bad habits like lateness, messiness and phone addiction, not money issues, are the most common cause of fights, specifically in relationships with high income differentials. Similarly, neglect is cited most frequently in high-status and dual-career households, where attention is a rare commodity. Money, while not the central bone of contention, is still a common issue (specifically among those in jobs with incentives baked into compensation structures). Domestic labor is also a major source of friction for couples with disparate jobs – presumably because it’s hard under those circumstances to gauge who is “contributing.” Political disagreements among partners rarely escalate, but, when they do, the fights tend to last a loooong time.
Income and Fighting
Precisely because fights about money are less prevalent than Noah Baumbach would have us believe, wealth doesn't eliminate conflict. However, income does affect how people fight. More than half of partners in households earning $200K+ annually (55%) report avoiding confrontation and using silence as a tactic (54%). Under a third (29%) report yelling during arguments, compared to 42% in households earning <$75K (who were also far more likely to cry during confrontations.
One weird wrinkle among the well-to-do: Household making $500K+ annually were four times as likely as household making half that to report that arguments last "a few days or longer.” There's a positive correlation (r = 0.35) between income and conflict duration, and a negative one (r = -0.26) between income and shouting.
Profession and Fighting
Profession strongly shapes how and how often people fight. Creative and media professionals are particularly volatile with 40% fighting weekly and only 8% fighting “rarely” while 56% of service workers and admins report fighting “rarely.” The bulk of the Linkedin crowd – all those business, legal, finance, and healthcare professionals – fight at roughly the same rate with roughly 40% reporting they rarely fight and roughly 20% reporting that fights “rarely.”
There are, however, wrinkles when partners work in different fields. Sales professionals marred to non-sales professionals are 2.4x more likely to fight about money, public sector workers married to private sector workers are 2x more like to fight about domestic labor, and operations professionals are 1.5x more likely to pick fights about “bad habits.” (Funnily enough, this all makes intuitive sense.)
Status and Fighting
Spousal perception—especially around status—has a measurable effect on how couples argue. People who believe their spouse is smarter than them report avoiding conflict (52%) and using silence as a tool (61%) during brief fights. Those who think their partner is more successful tend to engage in avoidance (64%) and complain about neglect. Those who believe their partner is more privileged report crying a lot (47%) and fighting about money and family obligations. Those who believe their partner is more social are more likely to report shouting (39%) and fight more often despite reporting higher relationship satisfaction (specifically in higher income brackets).
Sex and Fighting
Sexual frequency patterns mirror emotional satisfaction and fighting style. Couples who have sex multiple times per week report fighting rarely (68%) whereas the vast majority of couples who rarely get their fuck on report fighting at least once a month (72%). That said, there’s a particularly kind of high-income, high-conflict couple in their thirties that gets after it in the bedroom. (We all know these people because they make dinner uncomfortable.)
