Upper Middle’s “Lustful Yearnings” survey examined how Oat Milk Elites experience attraction, flirtation, and sexual satisfaction inside and outside of (ostensibly) monogamous relationships. The survey focused on what is attractive to monogamous professionals and what makes them mostly likely to act on that attraction – whether that’s flirting or engaging in the other gerund starting in “F.” The findings suggest that generalized horniness is far rarer than persistent romantic feelings1, which are driven more by proximity than impulse.
Predictability is desirable and desire is predictable.
The findings also suggest that geography, profession, and, to a lesser degree, income are predictive of both the intensity of romantic feelings and the likelihood to act on them.
PREDICTABILITY IS DESIRABLE
Among partnered respondents, attraction to others is common and persistent. Roughly one quarter of partnered respondents report being attracted to someone else often or very often (25.8%) and, more tellingly, one fifth of partnered respondents say they already know who they would pursue if their partner were out of the picture (21.7%).
Where People Notice Each Other
Among partnered respondents who report being attracted to someone else, attraction most commonly arises in peer environments. Roughly one third report attraction developing through shared social networks such as friends-of-friends or recurring social groups2 (30–35%), while professional environments like workplaces or industry contexts account for roughly another quarter (20–25%). By contrast, bars, nightlife, and explicitly sexualized settings account for a much smaller share (low-to-mid teens). Romantic feelings arise toward people living parallel lives, which is to say people with similar social status. This pattern aligns with Eva Illouz’s argument that modern romantic feeling is structured less by passion than by shared institutions.
How Often People Flirt
The like-seeks-like nature of unrequited romantic feelings is underscored by the fact those feelings tend to contingent on shared attitudes. Four in five respondents report losing interest in someone after learning their education, politics, or profession (79.4%). This holds among partnered respondents (78.2%) and declines only modestly with wealth thanks to a small negative correlation between net worth and status filtering consistent with the libertinism of wealthier respondents.
What People Find Attractive
Interestingly, attraction and flirtation are only weakly correlated (ρ = 0.269). Among partnered respondents, 9.1% report high attraction but say they never or rarely flirt, which… is weird but God bless. Being partnered remains the single strongest predictor of reported satisfaction (ρ = 0.298).
DESIRE IS PREDICTABLE
Across the sample, flirtation frequency, targeting behavior (knowing who you’d pursue if you lost your partner), and sexual satisfaction are more strongly correlated to profession and geography than to income or wealth.
What Kinds of Professionals Cheat
